;) काही दिवसांपूर्वी मी सहज एका प्रियकर असणार्या मुलीला बोलताबोलता सहज बोलून गेलो त्याच कारण अस..................

 काही दिवसांपूर्वी मी सहज एका प्रियकर असणार्या मुलीला बोलताबोलता सहज बोलून गेलो त्याच कारण अस होत कि प्रेमबीम वर्षांवर तोलणार्या लोकांच मला काही कळत नाही .ति काही तरी तशीच आपल्या सहकाऱ्यांशी  बोलत होती  कि आमच्या relationship ला सात वर्ष पूर्ण झाली त्यात बरच काही घडल बिघडलं वगेरे वगेरे त्यात एक अस होत कि तिचा प्रियकर हा अगदी मस्तपैकी जिम बीम करणारा होता आणि ती तुलनेने स्वतःला जाड अस मानणारी जी खरतर ती नव्हती कारण माझ्यामते तिला उंची हि शोभेशीच होती .तिने मध्ये कधीतरी त्या भावनेने त्याला सांगितलं  कि तिला त्याने सोडून द्याव ,पण तस काही झाल नाही आता, हे काही खर प्रेम बीम असत अस मला काही इथे सांगायचं नाही ज्यावेळी तिने हि घटना सांगितली मला राहावल नाही मी तिची परवानगी मागून मी तुला काही सांगू का ? कारण तसा मी नवीनच होतो म्हणून माझ ते कर्तव्यच होत , तिला सांगितलं लग्न टिकण . टिकवण हे ज्याचे त्याचे आपापले विचार.  मी तिला सांगितलं लग्नानंतर प्रेम नको करूस आता हव तितक करून घे :)
लग्नानंतर एकमेकांशी मैत्रीची जास्त गरज असते .

मला अस वाटत आपण खरतर प्रेम खूपवेळा करू शकतो आणि करतोही अगदी पहिल्या प्रेमासारख कारण आपल्याला आपल्यासारखच प्रेम करता येत.येत लग्नात खूप अनुकरण असत .  मी प्रेमाचे प्रकार अस काही मानत  नाही ,मैत्री हि मात्र अजब गोष्ट आहे  त्यात बरेच प्रकार पडतात तेही अपोआप आणि अगदी सहज, त्यात खरतर सर्व माफ असत प्रेमात किंवा लग्नात मला तस काही सापडत नाही .आणि असलच तर ते कुठेतरी कशातरी आपोआप पणे  तोलल जात .

 स्वतःच अस्तित्व हे आपल्या reaction मुळे आपल्याला मिळत ,समजत .  मैत्री हि प्रत्येकाशी निराळीच असते.  स्वभाव,विभाव,कर्माशी ,आचरणाशी.  निगडीत  स्वावलंबी,परावलंबी अगदी जशी मोडाल तशी  जशी जोडालं तशी क़धि कधी वाटत नात्यांची ओळख चुकलीय आपली नाहीतर बरेच गुंते सुटतील . 

Hand

movement and hand

Movement and hand

I saw the old lady today 26/02/2014

• Most of time is not arduous to understand someones pain, but the same time it's so much complicated to out our ego from that spot.. I saw the old lady seated on the footpaths corner rushy road her head was down maybe she slept.Maybe....... There are so many assumptions which is not important. The thing is selfish mind .The inner confessions to all those situations.. In the Henry Sharier Papillon book I read.To eat get coconut or soap for bath is the luxuries thing. which is actually TRUE. If I am little trying to understand the outer real world. Don't know, but somewhere I find me nowhere. Somewhere I see me dead at the very next moment.My mind started to talk about those language, 
• my intuitions throwing them back with the immediate actions like we eat food like we listen music unwarily sometimes. The distance of thought between I am alive and I am going to dead someday for sure is not depended of thoughts if I walk outside.its also depends on walk inside of me.Then yesterday I was thinking about the color of my happiness I even found that clearly it was light red And have been already commenced to apply that in my oeuvre. . I am very fulfill with that intuitive moment. We don't choose color, color choose us.Color choose me.I am not thinking about preparation I never did that before. I try to understand... then I start to break everything but that is the fullness of complications.
• I always consider myself as an emotional but I feel and find myself cleverly separated with all this thing everyone does things for their felicity, so me too, but I have to abide by those.
• humans who yet don't have moments to believe about their happiness that old lady I saw like that.But as I said, I find me emotional so  it was very much complicated situation for me to Next to their own hands .BeCause other side, I know like you know it's not enough, it's not enough  for my happiness too i believe that  i have dead sells in my body and  my workplace is different my priorities and happiness separates me 
• Do you know why those people I feel angels who gave their whole life to them (Baba amte like) they created life but I have so much clarifications between them and me.I have soap for the bath, I have coconut to eat. I have legs, that's why I am afraid to walk for my happiness.But when I i seat it happens with me and then i draw . i am sorry
•  ( about writing things and satisfaction is with the words i don't need to worry about those human being as it is like that women impression on me  but if i draw and paint that thing i am not able to save her conditionally for longer than words can do ......my happiness i find here as an artist)

Hand

Hand
Dry Pastel,ink, Pencil

"Selfscape"

"Selfscape"
Pencil ,dry pastel, Charcolchalk, Gesso, ink. pen
acrylic and water

बर्याच दिवसांपासून कोणालातरी सांगण्यापेक्षा मला लिहायचं होत .

रस्त्यावर उभं राहून जाहिरात पत्रके वाटणारी मुलं ,मग ती कॉम्पुटर क्लासेस संबधी असो किंवा कुठल्यातरी बाबाची visiting कार्डापेक्षा जरा मोठ्या आकाराच कार्ड असो .त्यांनी  हात पुढे केला कि मीही करतो आणि  ठेवतो.  घरी  येउन त्याची रद्दी होऊ देतो वाटलंच  तर वाचतो जमेल तस कधी कधी thank you बोलून न थांबताच चालू लागतो . आपल्याला ती जाहिरात कामाची आहे कि नाही  खरतर त्या सर्व प्रक्रियेतला शेवटचा विचार .पण  रोजीरोटी साठी आपल्या वाटेतील अडथळा न बनूनही कोणाची तरी संधी बनून उभा असतो त्याचा आदर व्हावा इतकंच ……….  

Frozen Tears

Frozen Tears
Water,Ink,Charcoal Chalk,Pencil

"Unknown " 17\02\2014

"Unknown"
Dry pastel. water. ink, marker pen

BIG DEAL withing no Deal ...

Now,
 Not ,
being together.

I desire,

We Both should ,
Learn to,

Be proud and suffer
 .....
 (Or keep calm and suffer..... this is not me nor you )

We are the only evidence.

To keep our souvenir alive .

you are not aware about this

I know  .

But ,
The words are incomplete

without your existence .

The Joy,
The jealousy,
The love.

Were the situations

Today ,

Memories ,Memories ,
 My smile

 bit tears,

It's start's to keep alive

Love within us .

to understand,

to amaze

To

feel something
for someone,
through us.

About -
care,

Its not hard to love,

Unconditionally....

Just please keep some courage something
within you,

 To express,
alone with you.

That's the Breath.

sometimes.

Love is the return <<<<<<<<<
journey of life.

I believe, we were not made for together.

We are made for the moments.

To preserve faith .

Marriage is not a solution of every love.

marriage is a dedication.

to keep both being to feel alive.

with needs.
about needs.

Its dedication to keep distance ----------- between.
faith

Marriage is the respect of  life

Marriage is a way to maintain the life

For death?
i dont think so,

Is the higher level of understanding .

Whereas somewhere.

Love is fight with things

Love is the gain of emotions

Love is adventure without way

Somewhere,

.............................................

__________________________

Its dotted line

You read there is line too :)

But dotted.....

Love is moments.

And marriage is line.

Its delicate to separate from each other...

But sometimes to memorize and understand

Separately things about life.

Gives us proper connections with each other .

That thing i am learning

And beside to dream about next life...

I am trying  to live my life

As it is ...

I love you ........

Now,when i say
I love you
That doesn't mean
i love you.
That means
I love you.
Because ,i realize now
The way i loved you
I love me more .
I said you The silent sorry.
You heard?
You have to believe
I am
The happiest person
If you are not
I must say
If you find yourself
Somewhere
You are walking the
Right path ,but
My care is ,
I know the other side...
That keeps my love alive..........
That keeps my fear alive ............

unknown

Unknown

Hiding the upcoming season . 16 \2\2014

Now it is very delicate decision. if I think.
If I don't, it's just a thing, gonna happen. 
Lets see where the remedy heals.
Let's see if it goes to tragedy, how much it hurts.
Let me tell you tragedy is.
When The baby cried 
And 
Same as.
When The father dies. 
Tragedy is life,
When I keep myself hidden. 
Let me see if I am capable. 
Or, 
I am going to make possible. 
I always find myself hiding within. 
I always see me in your imagination. 
How you look at me.... . . . 
It's a shame. 
It's a fame
its game
 It's love. 
^
These are acceptations 
Of Mind 
GAIN Is absolute Pure.

;)

मोठ्यानी आता बघितलेले पावसाळे स्वतः समजून समजावून सांगितले तर बाहेरचा आम्ही अनुभवत असलेला मोडकातोडका वसंत घरात आणायला आवडेल.
मला तर बाबा मोठाच नाही व्हायचय असले भयानक पावसाळे ह्यांनी बघितलेत . :)

I LOVE YOU >LIFE

I LOVE YOU > LIFE .

I WANT TO KEEP

YOU

UNIQUE .

I AM TRYING TO KEEP YOU

WHAT YOU ALREADY IS.

:)

HELP ME,

STAY AWAY

DONT VANISH

STAY AWAY

DONT IGNORE

STAY AWAY

KEEP ME THIRSTY

STAY AWAY

TO UNDERSTAND

SOMEONE YOU CREATED THE

OTHER SIDE .

STAY AWAY.

I AM HUNGRY

STAY AWAY

TO KEEP ME

HUNGRY

STAY AWAY

WITHIN ME

KEEP ME AWAY

TO FEEL

WE ARE ONE

AS A MIRROR

IN FRONT OF ME . 

selfscape " Front and back ......one i create other is impression what i created .

pencil, ball pen,marker 

"Untitled "

water , ink, pencil 

Is there need to hug her besides these words? Answer is NO .

Everything was so simple.

She listened me,

Naturally.

Her face was down.

Maybe she tried

To understand me with her own created guilt.

She perfectly did her side.

To keep silent with those words

Which was the real situation of mine.

I am smiling while writing.

:)

For those words 

Her credits Touch wood.

Hope i understand 

How hard for her now.

We don't always be happy 

From soul.

But we don't regret 

From that absence.

When we find .

I told her .

She was innocently 

Hopeful about next life.

:)

She have reasons too.

She herself want to be the reason .

Somewhere for something.

So .

words written by me

I owe her

At least it gives something for us
To keep alive.
To face it all.

I told her 

I am glad that you 

Are not with me.

I know somewhere she felt 

To slapped me.

:D

Somewhere she was ready to leave everything

Somewhere i don't want that for something 

she know's that already

Selfishly .....

To keep me alive.

Somewhere we both still same.

Somewhere its harder than me to her 

Face it all these now .

Hope i understand that.

Somewhere she was confused 

Somewhere maybe she felt

Pressure till her thoughts were 

getting numb.

She was so quite.

so cute.

 :)

And the other end

Ready to fight with me.

Sure she wanted to slapped me.

But 

:)

I think

Irritation ,anger,innocence

Guilt.

She all expressed naturally .

She left my weak heart .

So much oxygen

Again

To love the life .

To live the life.

with

No regrets.

The magic moment :)

She asked me,
Why black tea ?
I said i drink black tea
Not every time but i like
When i feel.
Her care was innocent.
Because she thought
I didn't had milk in my house,
Which was actually true. :)
and i even don't needed.
But the words are not able to describe.
What love i felt .
Her innocence trapped me .
And i changed the topic :)
Her misunderstanding was
The real life fact .
And that was
love for me.
:) she made
My heart smile .
She gave me some
More breath to feel alive .

11\02\2014 The magic moment .

I warned her to smile. 
She acted smile.
 I told her love.
She was ready to leave. 
I was angry. 
I warned her about my limitations. 
She understood love. 
I promised her.
I going to find 
soon my mate. 
She understood that too.
She was my soul. 
I told her 
I am going to care my mate
When she comes into my life. 
She felt relief. She left that topic.
Then, She said Next life. 
We are going to born directly As a husband, wife 
She made my heart smile. 
I never told her. 
If its possible. 
I already decided to be an 
ANT.

i discovered self on mothers death anniversary (9\02\2014)

self on mothers death anniversary (9\02\2014)

11/02/2014

१)
माणूस मेल्यावर पूर्ण होतो .
आपलं अपूर्णत्व घेवून .
आपल्याला भटकत ठेवतो
मुक्त करून .
त्यात आनद सापडला
कि
मी मुक्त आहे म्हणूनच तर
मी हरवलो आहे .
असा ग होतो
आणि तो जाणवला ,मानला ,समजला
कि ,
क्षण शांतता,
स्वतःच सापडण
इथेच ह्यामध्ये.



२)
 मरण समोर दिसते
मनाची अधीरता शिगेला पोहचते.
हृदयाच्या कळा सुरु होतात .
डॉक्टरची वाट आपोआप बागेकडे जाते.
मागे पाहिलं की दिवस दिसतच नाहीत
काही आनंद शेवटात
स्वतःलाच शोधताना दिसतो .
कळा कळ्यांना  शोधू लागतात
पानच फार दिसतात .
हिरवा शांत करतो .
 कळा विरून जातात
अश्रुना वाट मोकळी मिळते

selfscape .rosewater,ink and markerpen

6\02\2014

The happenings are more fragile when I see.
The happenings are so humble when I feel.
when I draw, when I paint.
when I write
It's just a mirror of myself.
nothing else.
I am confuse
I am clear
I have a clear thought in the confusion.

Complications just bound me.
nothing else.
The dark path fears me.
nothing else
The vision of light freeze me over there.
nothing else.
Before walking
I need is just to melt in that situation nothing else.

I feel
I lost everything in my tears comes out.
nothing else.
I feel
I gain something I don't have to say anything.
I am just me.
made by you
I made myself to you
I accept always nothing else. 
...

6 Feb 2014